You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize