dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
