I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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