The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
