His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
