you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
