i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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