Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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