i would punch a child for taco bell
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
