tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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