I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize