they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
third nipple confirmed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
