I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
