There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
