I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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