i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
sarcasm needs its own font
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize