I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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