I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
