she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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