i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
