If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
