Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
