make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
