It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
