i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
