i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
