So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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