I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So much rum. So many feels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
