dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
