Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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