I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
