some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
