tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
