I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
