I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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