Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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