Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
