one two three fourrrrnication!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
