I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
