just come out here and I will go home with you...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
