i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
