just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
