I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize