Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
