she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
