I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Houston, we have a squirter
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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