Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
even my farts smell like vagina
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
