My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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