No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
