if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
