the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
