i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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