Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
