ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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