the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
