The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
