I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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