I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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