she looked like the before picture.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize