Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
