i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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