Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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