And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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