I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It's Friday. Sex?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i will never coherently bang her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
