I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize