Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
