??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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