Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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