i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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