im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
