Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
