Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
