sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
