I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
