TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize