u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
