my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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