seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
