my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
