Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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