You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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