My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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