So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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