I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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