i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
