the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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