You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Use "feeling words"
Yay
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
