you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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