if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
