Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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