were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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