Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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