I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
