What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
