Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
