How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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