just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
