But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
