dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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