'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
