I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
